


Communion

by She_Who_Only_Knows_War



Series: Lucy [6]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, But Bone-Deep Honesty Comes With It, Christianity, Gen, I'm so sorry, Introspection, Religious Metaphors, Yet again..., communion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-24
Updated: 2015-04-24
Packaged: 2018-03-25 11:51:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3809368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She_Who_Only_Knows_War/pseuds/She_Who_Only_Knows_War
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lucy might have both sides of the same coin but she can't pocket it. She can't spend it, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Communion

Lucy doesn't take Communion.  
She wonders who notices but Hitomi tells her their opinions don't matter. That who knows who she is and what's she's like is of no concern to Lucy.  
But Lucy has been taking Communion as far back as she could remember.  
And people have always expected that she take it.  
But Hitomi wants her to stop lying.  
So she passes on it when it's offered to her.  
It's not that she doesn't believe in God.  
She does.  
But she has had no full intention of serving him. With the exception of her friends needing spiritual advice. That is the only time Lucy puts her feelings on the back burner.  
Because she believes that God can do good things.  
He just doesn't feel like doing them for her.  
She's hurt more than angry.  
It's not about her.  
But so much of it is.  
She makes it about her, she knows. But she hates that she has to accept blow after blow after blow.  
She doesn't even want her life and yet she lives.  
Is it altruistic or just selfish fear?  
She's glad and yet depressed that no one knows her here.  
At least they can't judge her if they don't know she exists.  
That was her fear before they moved. She was anxious and paranoid about the things people were saying about her.  
She was broken after Guinness' death.  
She had dealt with grief after her friendship with Shianne ended.  
This had been different.  
This was like her world was ending but stuck on a loop. Playing that same day over and over.  
And Lucy has hidden everything from the people around her. They didn't know about the images that assaulted her mind. The fact that she wanted a neutral party, not good or evil, to catch her when she fell.  
They didn't know about Klove or the way she treated Hitomi.  
And maybe she should come clean about it.  
Her life is just as fair as everyone else's. So it's selfish to blame God for what she has endured.  
She wants to look forward to the things He has in store.  
He is The Healer, after all. But He is also the one that allows Lucifer to pull the wings off insects for fun.  
He's the giver. But He allows things to be stolen.  
Lucy might have both sides of the same coin but she can't pocket it. She can't spend it, either.  
She feels like everyone ignores one side or the other.  
Her friends ignore the evil He allows. Strangers and co-workers ignore the good things He does.  
Lucy wishes she could pick one or the other. But she is unwilling to believe there is only one side.  
Hitomi has managed to embrace it, a long struggle since his teenage years.  
But Lucy just can't.  
She's cried and prayed and tried to force the feeling.  
But it doesn't come.  
And she needs this acceptance.  
Because she will continue this way and that until she has it. She will care for purity and goodness one moment and cast it away the next.  
She will never be right enough with God to take Communion.  
Her hands are dirty, heart impure.  
The Body Broken and the Blood Poured is a mockery if not taken with Righteousness.  
And she isn't intent on mockery. She just doesn't want anybody to _see_.  
But she promised not to lie.  
So she can only hope the only judgement she receives is from the Body Broken and no longer the Bride.


End file.
